#they can never make me hate you tommy kinard

[cjlouwho]

Twelve Christmases

chapter tags: discussions of a burn victim (nothing graphic), discussions of suicide and mental health, very brief mentions of things that happened in past chapters (Tommy's mom, military, red handkerchief, implied noncon), anxiety, depression, background character death, Tommy calls the crisis hotline

read below or on ao3

Day 10: 2022

“I'm calling Roberts in early, you can go home.”

“Captain Marks-”

“No, Kinard! What you did out there was careless. You could've gotten yourself killed.”

“And if I'd done nothing, that man would be dead.”

“He's gonna wish he were dead if he ever wakes up! He's got third degree burns on over seventy percent of his body! I don't mean to be harsh, Tommy, but you risked your life for a dead man walking!”

“So?” 

Marks took a deep breath, sitting back in his chair. “I'm gonna pretend I didn't just hear you say that. I know emotions are high right now, but you know as well as I do I can't have a pilot that isn't concerned about whether they live or die.”

“That's not-”

“Stop talking, Kinard,” Marks warned. “You're on the ground for five shifts, I'll reevaluate things myself after that. If I have any hesitation, for even a moment, about your intentions here, you're getting a psych eval. That'll put you on the ground forever. You understand me?”

Tommy pursed his lips, nodding his head. “I understand.”

“Good. Now, go home, enjoy the rest of your Christmas, come back next shift with a clear head.”

*****

By the time Tommy got home, it was nearing ten o'clock at night. His brain was a jumbled mess. It didn't seem to matter how many times he hit the punching bag in his garage, it was never enough.

After a quick shower, he thought about laying down.

But even the idea of that made him want to crawl out of his skin.

So, he began to pace.

He paced, and paced, and paced, with his hands on his hips. From the living room, to the kitchen, down the hall, and back again.

It all felt like too much. He wasn't just thinking about today. He was thinking about his mom. He was thinking about the military. He was thinking about the red handkerchief. He was thinking about waking up in a stranger's apartment with no clue what happened the night before.

He was thinking, thinking, thinking, pacing, pacing, pacing, and he needed it all to stop.

Just stop!

So he did something he never thought he'd do.

He wasn't even sure what made him do it.

All he remembered was pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing the number.

988.

“988 crisis lifeline, this is Penny. How can I help you today?”

He froze.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

He swallowed. Closed his eyes.

“I'm here.”

“Oh, good. May I ask who I'm speaking with?”

“Tommy,” no attempt to try for a fake name.

“Hi, Tommy! I'm Penny. I know I said it before, but I like to make sure the people I speak to heard me. Tommy, ca-”

“I'm not... I don't wanna kill myself,” Tommy interrupted, needing to make it clear. “I just needed someone to talk to.”

“Okay.” Her voice was soothing, familiar almost. A voice that Tommy hadn't heard in years. “That's what I'm here for, Tommy. What's on your mind?”

He tried to think of what to say. Tried to figure out the perfect way to start the conversation.

He was usually so put together.

But everything felt off.

“I hate Christmas.”

He wasn't sure why that was the first thing that popped into his brain at this moment, but it was out there now.

“A lot of people have complex feelings about holidays. It can be tough sometimes, no doubt about it.”

The tiny admission seemed to open a floodgate for Tommy. “My mom was thirty-eight when she died, and I'm thirty-eight now,” he explained. He was sure the words coming out of his mouth were just as jumbled as the thoughts in his head. “And she- she didn't die around Christmas. She actually died in June, so I don't know why I keep thinking about her today of all days, but I do. Not just her; I'm thinking about a lot of things. But it all sort of leads back to her at the end, I guess.”

“Was Christmas important to her?” Penny asked.

“She loved it when I was really little. Always liked looking at the lights and taking me to the mall to pick out things I wanted. I think my dad ruined Christmas for her though.”

“He wasn't big on the holiday?”

“He wasn't big on family. Looking back, I can see how being with him changed her. I didn't recognize it back then.”

“You were young. She probably didn't want you to recognize it.”

Tommy sighed, giving himself a moment to gather his thoughts. “She didn't get thirty-nine Christmases, you know? And that doesn't really seem fair. Because I'm here for my thirty-ninth Christmas and I don't even like the damn day. She deserved more. She deserved better.”

“It's never easy to understand why the people we love get taken from us too soon. It can be especially difficult when we lose them as a child.”

Tommy let out a humorless laugh. “She didn't get taken from me,” he bit out, “she left me.”

There was a pause on the line, then, “I'm sorry?”

“Yeah, she uh, she made that choice to leave herself. Stuck me with my dad, who never really gave a crap about me in the first place, and she... she was just gone.”

“I'm sorry about that, Tommy. That's a lot to have to deal with as a kid.”

“I don't ever talk about it, about her. I don't really have anyone to talk about it with. My dad never cared for emotions, so I just plaster a smile on my face and put my shoulders back and keep going.” Tommy shook his head, clearing his throat and wiping away the tears that were pooling in his eyes. “That's not why I called though. Not because of her.”

“Okay,” Penny replied. “Tell me why you called, Tommy.”

Tommy rolled his shoulders, trying to rid himself of some of the tension running through his body. “I did something stupid at work today, and I knew better. I just didn't care.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“I work for the fire department. I'm a firefighter pilot, but today I was on the ground. We were called to a fire at this house- well, more like a mansion- and we thought we had the place cleared. Then the daughter started yelling for her dad. I headed back inside and found him, um,” Tommy paused, taking in a shaky breath.

“It's okay, Tommy. Take your time.”

“He- He was at the source of the fire. A fairly large space heater exploded and the fire had spread quickly. The house was about to collapse, and I was being told to get out, but I stayed. Long story short, I was able to get the man out right before the structure collapsed. He was severely burned though. If he makes it, and it's a big if, he's going to wish he hadn't. My captain won't let me fly for a while now. Sent me home early.” He let out a humorless laugh. “I wasn't even supposed to work today. I took the shift because I hate this damn holiday.”

“You've mentioned that three times now,” Penny noted.

“What?”

“How much you dislike Christmas. Tommy, do you think that maybe the risk you took today had something to do with the fact it's Christmas? Emotions were already high, making you take risks you wouldn't usually take?”

“Hm,” Tommy hummed. “Maybe? I don't really know though, because I feel like I'm ready to take those same risks any day, anytime. I said it before, and I meant it, I'm not trying to die. I just... I don't think I care if I do. It didn't matter to me if I didn't make it out. We're all gonna die someday, you know? That's what I always figure. What's it matter if it's now?”

“I think it would matter to the people who love you. The people who care about you.”

“I don't think I know anyone well enough for them to be affected by my death.”

“Well, it would matter to me,” Penny replied matter-of-factly, and Tommy couldn't help but let out a laugh.

“I dunno, I can be kind of a bitch sometimes.”

“Thank God for that, I'd hate it if you were too perfect.”

“Well, I never said I wasn't perfect. Perfect and bitch can go together, right?”

“I think it's a great pairing.”

A smile lingered on Tommy's face. He couldn't remember the last time he spoke to someone so openly. “Penny?”

“I'm here.”

“Would you stay on the phone with me until Christmas is over?”

“Honey,” she answered, Tommy softening at the name, “I can honestly say there's nowhere else I'd rather be.”

Penny stayed on the phone with him until 12:01. She was willing to stay on the line longer, but by the time Tommy had watched the clock strike midnight, he was ready to go to bed.

He felt better. A little lighter than he had in a while.

He'd been in bed for about fifteen minutes, and was just dozing off when his phone buzzed.

It was Captain Marks.

The man from the house fire died on the operating table.

I know you wanted to save him, Tommy.

Unfortunately we can't save them all.

Tommy stared at the texts for a good ten minutes before switching over to the phone app and dialing 988 again.

[v88sy]

I also love how they tried a character assassination on our boy and we're just like "LOLZ nah."

[thedyingwriter]

somethings that i needed to get out regarding today's episode:

9-1-1 live airs in the US around 7 am Friday in my country and i get to watch it at 10:30 am on disney hotstar.

I couldn't wait so i was awake all night and was literally on twt since 6:30 am to get some clips.

that's where i find out that bucktommy break up.

i have been devastated all day. i have cried multiple times and i have literally lost count atp. it hurts like an actual breakup and i have absolutely no one irl to share this grief with.

the Abby being the ex-fiance wasn't even a major issue. i have been seen it done so well in so many fics.

Josh's speech was so beautiful and important but then to pull a breakup like that makes no fucking sense.

after what we saw in 8x5 breaking them made absolutely zero sense.

i was too overwhelmed so i tried to sleep and actually watched the entire episode around 11 am. I wanted to keep and open mind and analyse the episode.

twt is literally so toxic rn. I'm not even opening it.

after watching the entire episode i was even more confused as the breakup made zero sense.

we have had 8 seasons of character growth for buck, if they end up making him go back to casual relationships it just feels a complete wastage of 8 seasons of growth.

and from what we've seen in the past episodes the breakup was completely uncharacteristic to both buck and tommy.

it made no sense. why would tommy put so much effort if he knew it wouldn't last.

him constantly showing up for evan and talking about family just made zero sense for him to break up like that.

also it kinda felt weird to bring moving in together before saying i love yous.

and the way he said "the parking spot was too good to be true". this breakup doesn't feel good at all. he was obviously in pain and so was buck. this isn't doing any of them any good.

utter bullshit.

plus the "I'll see you around buck" broke me. like why the fuck would you do that to me and to buck.

it felt like someone put fucking alcohol all over a stab wound and then rubbed salt all over it.

LOW BLOW.

now coming to the post ep interviews which btw made it worse.

i was still under the impression that the way the breakup happened there was still hope for reconciliation because remember even tarlos went through breakups.

but then lou confirmed he might not be back and that this is it. specially that buck line. UGH.

and that #letbuckfuck interview with oliver really triggered me. I'm a bisexual woman and the reason i really loved buck's discovery of his sexuality was bcs Oliver was very determined in Givin a good bi rep.

but this doesn't feel that way. he could have said that he wants to see buck explore his sexuality more with both men and woman but the whole "girl, girl, guy. guy, girl, guy" montage was a very disturbing image.

it feels very stereotypical and biphobic.

it just hurts me so much. idk why i expected so much from a network tv show who has been queerbating for years.

i am gonna be watching this season just to see how they salvage buck's relationship and sexuality. it feels incomplete.

but if it goes in the buck 1.0 direction that's it for me.

i watch 911 as an escape from reality and if it goes so bad i am not continuing with the show.

it has already tested my limits and mental health enough.

also i need to point out that there are a lot of people who enjoy watching sports a lot more than they enjoy playing it. buck is a watcher. he would have loved seeing the Lakers match. just bcs he doesn't like to play doesn't mean he hates basketball.

a little extra side notes-

really excited for another buckley han kid. hope they don't ruin it. want to see how they deal with ppd this time.

also happy for eddie and really hoping he gets chris back soon.

ya'll need to understand how platonic friendship buddie is also so important rn then them getting together bcs eddie is def not ready to date.

if he starts dating he'll feel super guilty for putting his desire above chris all over again.

ALSO FOR PEOPLE IN THE BACK- EDMUNDO DIAZ IS CANON STRAIGHT.

[aaronsinferno]

[chaoticpositvty]

god good the smirk/smile this man tries to stifle to not give away how thrilled he is buck asked him to such an important event. tommy kinard, you deserve every bit of happiness you are feeling.

p.s. how anyone can look at this man in this moment and actively decide to hate him because he's not the man you think buck should be with, like seriously, fuck off.

gif by @dailykinley

[chimneyz]

tommy has always compelled me as a character. but now.... as a tragic character that self sabotages, shutting out his shot at happiness. i need to examine him like a bug.

[fanonsupremecy]

Im sorry if it sounded like i thought you specifically were saying that Tommy is Mickey. I didn't mean it like that at all. I totally got your point and was just trying to drive it home. It was a dig at the people who don't like Tommy. I love both Tommy and Mickey and I'm pretty sure I said something along the lines of be glad that he isn't in the tags after saying Tommy isn't Mickey. I don't think Tommy is anything like Mickey, in fact I think they'd probably hate eachother if they met. Because let's face it Mickey is better but he's still problematic even with all his growth but that's kind of the appeal of Shameless. Just like Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Shameless is a show comprised of problematic faves. Like Mac and Mickey are 2 sides of the same coin. I will not disagree that people obviously can't handle character development (or media literacy) that was my whole point in my own sarcastic roundabout way. I actually find it weird that in a place where you can be a Mickey Milkovich apologist that Tommy Kinard is a villian for his past that he obviously doesn't (for a lack of a better word) vibe with any more and people think it's ok to want him (and his actor, LFJ) dead when that never happened to Mickey (or Noel) who (even though I love) is so much worse (even as late as season 11, for claritys sake i dont think Noel is anything like Mickey or worse than LFJ as a person cuz he's actually so sweet and the polar opposite of Mickey from what I've seen) like I realize that theyre not the same person and that was the point. My point is that Tommy is worlds apart from being anything like Mickey but he's treated like he's worse than him.

i recently watched shameless for the first time (yeah im late to the party) and i can not believe we used to have gays like mickey and ian but now people can’t even handle someone like tommy kinard. WHAT WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN THESE DAYS.

yall watched too much heart stopper

[nqueso-emergency]

I'd love to say a couple of things to express why I love Tommy and to respond to the whole "how can you love Tommy and why do you love Tommy when he was this and that?" I keep seeing this a lot and I just block because right now I'm not in a mood to argue with a wall.

You see, we are not dealing with Tommy from s2, we are dealing with Tommy after 7 years of that, who changed and worked on himself, and not to mention he didn't forget his past and he admitted he was not a good person.

We are dealing with Tommy who "made😭" my favourite boy happy, showed up for him, took care of him, let him set the pace, made him feel comfortable, flirted with him, slept on a tiny couch so he could be near Evan if he needed anything, told him he's adorable and a vision in a cone.

And that's what? In 9 episodes? I want more, I want to get to know him more, know more about his past ,his relationships, why he's so lonely.

He's perfect, well almost, but still perfect and he fits in the show and with evan, he fits with Eddie perfectly too, which I love so much.

I don't know about everyone else but this is why I adore him and they can never make me hate Thomas kinard.

Hashtag Tommylovingho

Co-signed: melty cheese

[unhingedangstaddict]

Currently working on my own fix-it fic but man this shit is harder than I thought it'd be- I keep crying and then getting distracted reading other fix-it fics. Thought I'd share this snippet to hopefully motivate myself to keep going???

Hen was starting to wonder if maybe Tommy was out for a run when she heard a faint ‘oh shit’ from inside the house. She banged on the door again. “Come on Kinard! I know you’re in there!” She called out. If Tommy’s neighbors thought she was crazy, oh well, too bad. Hen really didn’t care.

Finally the door was opened by Tommy. His hair was a mess- sticking up as though he’d been running his hands through it far too much-, he had deep dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, his eyes were puffy from crying, and frankly, he looked like shit. “What do you want, Hen?” Tommy rasped. Whether his voice was hoarse due to dehydration or yelling and/or crying was unclear.

“To talk about what happened last night.” Hen crossed her arms.

“You mean you’re here to yell at me for what I did?" Tommy guessed. He hadn't forgotten the thinly veiled shovel talk from Hen and Karen months back at the medal ceremony- he wasn't surprised Hen was here now. “Trust me I hate myself for it enough. There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already thought about myself.”

“No. I’m here to try and understand what even happened. According to Eddie, Buck wasn’t making very much sense last night. Eddie would’ve come himself to check on you but he’s got Buck right now. Eddie’s worried about you and frankly, I am too.”

Tommy sighed deeply and stepped aside to let Hen into the house.

Soon they were sitting at Tommy’s kitchen table with mugs of coffee in hand.

“So are you gonna tell me what happened or are you just gonna keep having that staring contest with your coffee?” Hen questioned.

“He asked me to move in with him.” Tommy admitted quietly.

“Okay,” Hen said slowly, waiting for Tommy to explain further why he was upset by it. Beyond the obvious matter of Buck leasing his loft apartment and Tommy owning his house, Hen wasn’t sure what the issue was.

“For a split second, I thought about saying yes.” Tommy confessed. “Then I returned to reality and realized I had to end it.”

“But why?” Hen questioned.

“Even if it was only for a second, Hen, I was ready to, what? Sell my house and more than half my stuff to move in with him? I’m not even mad about that part- I’m upset with myself for considering it. I’ve been in Evan’s position before, first gay relationship, lovesick, you think it’s gonna last forever. And I’ve been the first for guys before too. Like I told Evan last night, I know how it ends. And I guess I’d rather break my own heart than wait around for Evan to do it.”

“If you’ve been so sure all this time that it could never work, why did it take until now for you to call things off?” Hen questioned.

“I think from the start I knew I was playing with fire. After the last guy I was a first for, I told myself I wasn’t going to do it anymore. Then I met Evan, and he was just so magnetic, I couldn’t stay away even if I wanted to. I couldn't say no to him. I think I always knew my heart would get broken, and I guess I was okay with that all this time, until last night when I realized I love him, and I knew I had to cut myself off before I reached a point of no return.” Tommy explained. “I mean, I’m a fucking a mess right now and I was the one who called it off. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to survive him ending it.”

“Did you really just figure out last night that you love him?” Hen asked.

“I guess I sorta loved him from the start but last night was different, Hen. I’m in love with him, like well and truly love him, in a way I’ve never felt before, about anyone.” Tears filled Tommy’s eyes. “And I’m just his first. And as badly as I want it, I know I don’t get to be his last.”

“What makes you so sure you can’t be his last?” Hen wondered.

“Because I’m not the forever guy." Tommy shrugged slightly as a tear finally escaped and slid down his cheek. "At best I’m the close-to-but-never-quite-enough guy."

[apdreadful]

Since the election I have deactivated some of my social media. Blocked some people I never should have ever engaged with to begin with, and unfollowed several accounts on IG that just don’t bring me joy.

And 911onabc was one.

Is it because Buck & Tommy didn’t end together? No. I’m a grown ass adult. I can be irritated by the something and not be dramatic or hateful about it.

It was because several storylines lately have been complete bullshit.

They start strong with solid good storytelling. But then..eh we’re bored. Only whatever we do absolutely can not make sense!

The lazy fucking way they wrote Christopher’s character out, and that weird ass doppelgänger storyline.

New season? Let’s start by putting Bobby and Athena through to some major disaster! Hey it worked last season! Let’s do it again! (Do not even get me started on that fucking drug cartel shit..what the hell even was that??)

We are only allowed to have one character or couple drama free at a time. And if we can’t come up with a plausible way to create discord or havoc, we’ll just do some stupid shit instead!

Spend several seasons showing the deep strong bond between Eddie and Christopher. Gavin’s family moves? Just make it something dumb..but fast! I know let’s have him get mad at his dad and ask to move in with his grandparents!! Never mind he’d never do that!

The amount of psychological trauma they have inflicted on Maddie. The near death experiences of Chimney. Jesus. Just what tf?

Hmmm. Karen and Hen..the fans would revolt if we broke them up. So let’s go after their kids!! And we can’t make it about them being gay! Let’s create this over the top villain Councilwoman Ortiz. Who’s the mother of that drunk coked up dude from the accident. Only we absolutely cannot have Hen or anyone defend what happened or shut that shit down by saying “Your son was a fucking menace and maybe if you hadn’t kept covering for him he would have gotten some fucking help and not caused an accident.” Also do not mention Hen was cleared of all wrong doing. Nope. Logic has no place here!

Ok so the fans have been clamoring for Buddie. But Eddie Diaz is straight. Period.

So hey! Let’s make Buck bisexual. And tell everyone we are getting him off the hamster wheel (because really, we’ve given him the emotional depth of a teaspoon for a while now)..And his love interest/boyfriend should be Tommy Kinard, who used to work at the 118, and we will invest time to give him a compelling backstory, and lay a ton of Easter eggs showing how richly we can mine this pairing and these characters.

And make them HAPPY for several episodes. Blissfully in love. And then totally out of the blue, let’s break them up. But the reason has to be complete bullshit, totally against character out of left field BULLSHIT. Like they should start out the episode great and about 80 percent in..wait! Let’s also make him the SAME Tommy Abbie from season one was engaged to before she started banging Buck! And then let’s make Tommy who is so into Buck it’s palpable, dump him because he’s afraid of getting his heart broken! Even though it’s one of the most tired, overdone, stupid tropes ever!!

Yeah. I don’t know WTF is going on in the writers room I would swear it’s like there’s this talented group of writers who start stories, and then they go out in Wilshire Blvd and ask some random person on the street to write the ending, but they have to do it, right there in the next 20 minutes.

No I am not going to stop watching 911 forever. I just don’t really want to see them on my IG. This last stunt, sparked only incredulity and scorn.

[inawickedlittletown]

What's In A Name (BuckTommy) - one-shot

Summary: Buck didn't like his name and definitely didn't like other cutesy nicknames…at least not until Tommy uses them

BuckTommy Positivity Week Day 2: nicknames and terms of endearment

Rated: G

Words: 1.5k

@bucktommypositivityweek

-

Read on Ao3

The strange thing about being known entirely by what was essentially a nickname given to him because he was the second Evan to arrive on the first day at the Fire Academy, was that his first name felt less and less like his identity. Growing up he’d never had any kind of nickname. His parents called him Evan. Maddie called him Evan. When he got into football the coach had called him Buckley and his teammates had gone back and forth from Evan to Buckley and never anything different. 

During his long trip across the states he was always just Evan. In Peru he was Evan. A unique name for somewhere in Peru that at least seemed to make him interesting. Granted as a foreigner whose Spanish was heavily accented, he would have stood out no matter what. He never stayed anywhere long enough for more than a hookup or two and he never made any promises. Even when he did stay somewhere long, it never seemed to him like anyone wanted him to stick around. 

Despite that, it made him feel a little used and he hated that moment where two or more nights were blending together and calling them “baby” saved him from the possibility of getting a name wrong. Worse, when he was the one being called “baby”, a clear sign of where he stood. 

He grew to hate it as a term of endearment. Cringed the first time Abby said it. Shuddered when Ali called him “babe”. Liked that Taylor called him Buck and never tried to call him Evan much less anything like “baby” or “honey”. To Natalia, he was Buck and maybe even a walking corpse. 

The first time Tommy Kinard said his name, it felt like a revelation. 

“Evan,” he said in a tone that implied a caress, like he was literally tasting his name and giving it some kind of approval. Approval that Buck had admittedly not known he was looking for. 

Any other time, Buck would have corrected with, “call me Buck” but he hadn’t felt the urge. When Tommy said his name it was like he was taking it and clearing it of all the baggage attached to it, like he was giving it new meaning and through that giving Buck new meaning. 

He’d gone from Evan the needy child, to Evan the ranch hand, the bartender, the surf instructor, the vagabond, the guy that thought he could become a Navy Seal. The Fire Academy had landed him on Buck and Buck was a firefighter, he was a hero, he was useful and he had friends that quickly became family. Buck had always felt like more even when Chim was using his name as a verb in a bad connotation. Even then, he was Buck. Tommy turned it around again. He called him Evan and Evan, when Tommy said it, was who he was supposed to be.

The part where he realized that he was bisexual and the part where he realized that it was okay to want and to be wanted for exactly who he was. 

Everytime Tommy said his name, Buck felt like he could soar away because he felt so light and so soft. No one else seemed to understand it. Maddie had been taken aback the first time he heard Tommy say his name, even more so when Buck didn’t react like he usually did. Eddie had been surprised too and Chim had tried to call him Evan a few times before claiming it was weird. Buck had found it weird too when it didn’t come from Tommy. The first time he heard his mother say it since meeting Tommy, it sounded like a screeching chalkboard. Wrong. So so wrong.

Months into the relationship, long after they had defined each other as boyfriends, he thought he’d gotten used to the way it made him feel. Sometimes, it did still catch him unawares, but more and more he was used to it. 

Of course, that was when one more morning in a kitchen lit up perfectly by early morning sun, Tommy turned and said, “Baby, can you pass me the pepper?” 

Buck all but melted right there and then. He almost sent the pepper mill to the ground in his haste and then when he handed it over, didn’t let go immediately.

“Evan, you okay?” 

“You, uh, you called me baby,” Buck said. 

“Oh,” Tommy said. “Sorry, do you not like it?” 

He shouldn’t. He should be reminded of all the reasons why he’d hated it before, and yet he couldn’t forget the way it sounded from Tommy. The fondness. The way it didn’t replace his name as much as it added feeling. It added depth because Tommy said it because he wanted to show Buck that he cared, that he appreciated him. 

“I…I never used to before,” Buck said. 

Tommy smiled easily. He set down the pepper mill after seasoning their eggs. “So you like when I call you baby?” 

“Yes. Yes, I think I do.” 

“Hmm, good. What if I called you sweetheart? Or honey or—”

Buck kissed him about it. He pressed his lips against Tommy’s in what was becoming familiar and no less exhilarating. Tommy moaned into the kiss, pulled him close, deepened it, until they both realized they were in the middle of cooking breakfast. 

“I think you can call me anything at all and I’ll love it,” Buck breathed out. 

“You’re adorable, you know that.”

Buck grinned. “So you’ve said. Is there, uh, anything I should call you?”

Tommy chuckled. “What, is Daddy not enough?”

Buck just smirked, playing with the neckline of Tommy’s shirt. His fingers touched Tommy’s neck. “I mean if you want me to call you that outside of here or my apartment then…”

Tommy kissed him again. “No, baby.” 

“I think I’d combust if I ever called you that in public,” Buck said. 

He didn’t clarify if it was because it would make him hard instantly or because he’d feel so much schadenfreude that he might need to move out of state and start his life all over.  He supposed that depended on who was around to hear it. Buck would never rule out sex almost in any place, but he could admit that things were a little different with men, but not that much. Tommy, though, probably wouldn’t go for exhibitionism. 

“You look deep in thought,” Tommy said. 

“Hmm, maybe I could call you daddy outside of the bedroom, if you like?” 

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Only when appropriate, sweetheart.”

“Yeah yeah…”  

Tommy’s smile was that amused but fond one, the one that made his eyes sparkle. He looked at Buck seriously in the next moment. “Well one day I hope you can call me husband. But for now, you can call me anything you want to. I know I’ll love it.” 

Buck was at a loss for words. He could only stare at Tommy and he was lost to the idea. He and Tommy actually married, exchanging vows and signing the papers and belonging to each other. It hit him how he had never thought about marriage and forever with anyone else. Just Tommy. It was, he realized, because he had never wanted it with anyone else. 

“Evan?”

“I — I want that too. I want that so much. I can’t wait.”

Tommy’s smile matched his own and they shared another quick kiss. Over breakfast they kept smiling at each other and Buck knew that Tommy was imagining their future together too. 

It hadn’t even been six months, but time didn’t matter when you knew and when you wanted something to start. It was especially true when you were aware how easy it was to lose the one you loved. 

“What if…what if I want to call you something else right now?” Buck asked.

“Something else?”

Buck took a breath. He could feel his heart racing. “What if I wanted to call you fiance?”

Buck didn’t know if he’d ever seen Tommy so shocked. Maybe that coffee date after the ruined first date when Buck had invited him to Maddie’s wedding. Tommy had admitted weeks later how sure he’d been that Buck was trying to just let him off the hook easy. 

“Evan?”

“Look we could do it right and one of us could get down on one knee. But we’re not busy today and I’d rather do this together. What do you say? Want to go pick rings out with me?”

When Tommy didn’t say anything, Buck started to feel like maybe he needed to backtrack. He was pushing it too far, running ahead instead of letting things develop naturally. He tried to tamp down the disappointment that settled on him, but then Tommy's fingers were there under his chin. 

“Yes, sweetheart. Yes. Let’s go look at rings.”

“Really? I mean because I know it’s—“

Tommy kissed him and when he pulled back, inches from Buck, he said, “my fiance.”

Buck couldn’t have stopped smiling for anything. 

[cjlouwho]

part 2 to my lonely tommy fic. this time he's not so lonely anymore.

“What did you do this time?”

“Angela!” Tommy exclaimed, smiling brightly as she walked into the room. “Or Angie? Angel? We never clarified that.”

“You know, when I saw your name I thought dear God, that man's still alive? I was certain you would have sawed off a few more body parts by now.”

“I'm trying to keep my limbs, I promise.”

“So then tell me why you're here, back in recovery.”

“My appendix hates me.”

“Oh, that's a pesky little thing, isn't it?” she asked.

“It is. Are you my nurse today?”

“Not supposed to be, but I've got seniority on Gina, so she can deal with the jackass in 212.”

“I knew I was your favorite,” he replied, giving her a wink.

Angela rolled her eyes. “I haven't looked through your paperwork yet,” she said, waving the file in her hand. “Should I assume nothing's changed from last year?”

“You know what they say about assumptions, Angela.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Are you telling me there's gonna be a person to call in here?”

He nodded. “There is a name and a number. And it's a person I actually know. You won't have to call though.”

“I swear, if you tell me you brought yourself here again-”

“No, no, I didn't this time. I just-”

“I got some jello cups from the nurses station, and ice for- Marie?!”

Angela's eyes widened, a grin on her face. “Buck!” she exclaimed, opening her arms for a hug.

“Marie?” Tommy questioned, confused.

Ignoring him, Angela kept her focus on Buck. “What are you doing here? And in normal clothes! I only ever see you when you're in the bed!”

Buck laughed. “I'm a plus one this time. Tommy's appendix decided to burst in the middle of his shift.”

“You two work together?”

“Oh, no. He's at 217, I'm at 118.”

“He's my boyfriend,” Tommy clarified.

“Ohh, okay.” She turned toward Tommy, wiggling her eyebrows. “That's some new information for me.”

Buck took the ice and jello over to Tommy. He tore off the lid and scooped a little bit of the lime jello onto a spoon, then brought it up to Tommy's mouth. He took the bite without complaint.

“They only want him eating soft foods for the next few hours,” Buck said as Angela watched them both with nothing but fondness on her face. “But he gets hungry so fast I keep going for more jello cups.”

“How about I search around for something that will keep you fuller a bit longer?” Angela suggested. “Like some mashed potatoes?”

Tommy swallowed the next bite of jello. “That actually sounds really good.”

“I'll be right back.”

“Wait!” Tommy exclaimed before she could get too far. “Marie?”

She walked back over to his bed. “It's my middle name, and it's what everyone else calls me. You have to keep calling me Angela, because you pissed me off,” she said, gently smacking his leg with the file folder.

“Ohhh,” Buck teased, looking at Tommy with wide eyes, “someone's in trouble.”

“You had me worrying about you for a whole damn year while you were cozying up to one of my favorite patients? The nerve, Thomas.”

“Yikes,” Buck grimaced. “You got Thomas'd.”

“That's just Angela's way of telling me she loves me.”

“Mhm. You've aged me, Mr. Kinard.”

“This could have all been prevented if you'd let me use you as my emergency contact.”

She shook her head. “I'll be back with potatoes. Keep him in check, Buck!”

“Will do.”

Once she left the room, Buck eyes Tommy. "So you know Marie too?"

He nodded. "I do."

*****

After eating some potatoes, Tommy dozed in and out for the next couple of hours.

After that, he and Buck were in the middle of a very competitive episode of The Price is Right when there was a knock on the door.

One by one, people began to file in, much to Tommy's surprise.

Eddie, Hen, Bobby, Athena, Maddie, and Howie gathered into the room, hands filled with different items.

After all the hello's and how are you's, they took turns handing over what they brought.

“We brought flowers,” Athena said, setting them on a corner table. “To brighten the place up a bit.”

“Jee wanted to make you something special to look at while you're in here,” Maddie said, breaking through the crowd to hand Tommy a piece of paper. “She said it's her, her Uncle Buck, and her Uncle Tommy at the zoo.”

Tommy stared down at the picture. Three people, a step above stick figures, with their hands connected as they walked down a path. Some birds and other unidentifiable animals surrounding them.

“It's beautiful,” he said, speaking softly. “Tell her I said thank you. I love it.”

“Karen made cookies.” Hen dropped a bag down on Tommy's tray table. “Snickerdoodle and red velvet. They're your favorites, apparently?”

“They are!” Tommy replied in surprise. “I can't believe she remembered that. I just mentioned it in passing one day.”

“Karen remembers everything about the people she cares about,” Hen responded with a grin. “One of the many things I love about her.”

“We made a schedule,” Eddie said, pulling a piece of paper out of his back pocket.

“Buck made a schedule,” Chimney clarified.

“I've given Buck a couple days off,” Bobby said, “and after that we will be bugging you in shifts.”

“You guys don't have to-”

“Don't even try to fight it,” Hen interrupted. “We've already been made to memorize our individual schedules and tasks.”

“This is happening, Tommy,” Eddie said, giving him a pat on the shoulder, “whether you like it or not.”

Athena hummed. “And I can guarantee by the time you have fully recovered, you will not.”

“He's gonna love it,” Buck said, glaring over at Eddie. “Who brought the balloons?”

“That would be me,” Eddie replied. “Along with an airplane-shaped stuffed toy that actually used to be Christopher's, but he hasn't touched it in years.”

“And I found the cutest teddy bear in the gift shop,” Chimney said, coming up beside Tommy to tuck the bear into his side, “because I don't bring used toys to my friends.”

“Rude!” Eddie exclaimed. “At least he likes airplanes.”

“He likes bears too!” Chimney defended, then he looked down at Tommy. “You like bears too, right?”

“That could mean so many different things to me,” Tommy replied honestly. “But, yes, I love the teddy bear and the airplane. Thank you guys. All of you.”

“I know I didn't technically bring anything,” Bobby said, “but I will be making you guys some meals that you'll just have to heat up for the next couple weeks, at least.”

“You don't have to do that, Bobby.”

“Well, it's not just for you,” Bobby explained.

Athena rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”

“These are new meals I'm trying out,” Bobby continued, “So I need honest reviews before I start making them at work. Don't sugar coat it.”

Tommy lifted three fingers. “Scouts honor.”

As the conversations picked up around him, Tommy settled further into the bed. Buck smiled over at him, taking his hand. “Sorry,” he said, “I didn't know they'd all be coming at once.”

Tommy shook his head. “Don't be sorry,” he replied, giving Buck's hand a squeeze. “This is perfect.”

*****

It was dark outside when Angela came back into the room for her final check before getting off shift. The only light filtering through the room came from the bathroom. Tommy was sitting up, staring down at the drawing Jee had given him.

“Wow!” Angela exclaimed as she walked in. “Someone had a lot of visitors today.”

The room was littered with items that had been left behind.

Tommy smiled up at her. “Yes, Ma'am.”

“We could hear you all laughing from down the hall,” she said as she began to switch out his IV bag. “It was nice.”

“Yeah, it... It was.”

“Did you finally get your boy to go home?”

“Uh, no.” Tommy set the drawing back down on the table. “He's actually gone to get more blankets. I told him I was fine, but he said my feet always get cold at night so I'd need extra.”

“He takes good care of you.”

“Yeah, he does.”

She grinned down at him. “You take good care of him?”

“I try to,” he answered honestly.

They fell into a comfortable silence as she finished up her work.

She gave him a couple of sideways glances before asking. “You okay?”

He bit at his lip, suddenly overcome with emotion as he stared at his GET WELL SOON balloon. Everything had changed so much in the past year. His old life felt nearly unrecognizable.

“It's just a little overwhelming,” he admitted, clearing his throat. “Last time I went home from here I was alone. I took care of myself until I got better. This time I have a schedule to memorize of who is visiting when.”

“Sounds like a good problem to have to me.”

“It is,” he agreed, even as his voice broke. “I just never thought I'd have people.” His eyes burned, filling with tears. “Doesn't feel like I deserve it.”

“Oh, honey.” She leaned over the bed, cradling his head in her arms. She could feel the wetness from his tears on her sleeve. “You are so loved,” she told him as he let himself be held. “You deserve that.”

She leaned back enough to hold onto Tommy's face, wiping his tears with her thumbs as she spoke to him. “All these people who showed up for you today, they came because they love you. Because you show them the same love. And that man you've got, well, he looks at you like you're more precious than gold. Let yourself be happy, okay? You've got people now. You've got people forever.”

He took a shaky breath and nodded, Angela wiping away the last of the tears before letting him go.

He grabbed a tissue off his tray table and wiped his nose. “Do I get to call you Marie now?” he asked.

She laughed. “Oh, no. You're special, so you're stuck with Angela.”

“I got five blankets and two pillows,” Buck said as he entered the room, “which I know you won't need, but I'm trading chairs with the guy in 212- who's a bit of an ass, by the way- so I get the recliner.”

“You're staying the night?” Angela asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Oh, um, yeah,” he answered sheepishly, his cheeks going pink. “I didn't ask, but I- I figured-”

“It's fine,” she assured him before heading for the door. “I didn't think you'd be leaving anyway. I'll see you two lovebirds in the morning, alright?”

“Goodnight, Marie!”

“Thank you, Angela.”

Buck took one of the blankets and spread it out over Tommy's legs. “I gotta go switch these chairs out. Are you good until I get back?”

Tommy reached out for Buck's hand, tugging on him until he was close enough to kiss. When he pulled away, he smiled. “I'm good.”

[merrylou-mas]

ohhhhh for the prompt thing can i see 30 or 49?

(also MY BAD i accidentally hit the unfollow/ follow button instead of the ask box 🙈🙈🙈)

lol, I was very confused. no worries!

Yes, I would love to! I'll do 30 now and 49 in a couple hours? I'm currently using my partner's computer and will be going home soon. 😊 I'll make sure to tag in you in that one too.

30-Being Protective

Buck really should have seen this coming, but at the time, when Gerrard had made the comment, he'd simply been venting to Tommy. But maybe this time was one vent too far because, a couple hours after he sent the text about Gerrard's latest bullshit, Tommy is striding into the station, a look of rage on his face like Buck's never seen before.

He gets in front of him, holding his hands up. "Tommy, babe-" but Tommy neatly sidesteps him and going clearly for the Captain's office (Buck and the rest of the team refuse to think of it as Gerrard's, no matter what the bastard says). Buck shoots a worried look at Eddie, Hen, Ravi and Chimney and they all follow Tommy.

"Hello, Kinard," Gerrard says in that oily, smarmy voice that Buck hates. He leans back in his chair and folds his hands on his stomach like this is the most comfortable he's ever been.

"You son of a bi-"

"Tommy, don't," Buck insists, laying a hand around Tommy's bicep. His muscles are wound tight. Tommy is in fight mode, flight nowhere in sight.

Gerrard stands, using his hands on the desk to lever himself up, a smug grin on his face. "What did you say to me, Kinard?"

"Leave him alone," Tommy says, voice hard and cool. "Leave them all alone."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gerrard says, far too smoothly for Buck's liking and he's right. Every little comment or dig, everything he does is never outrightly offensive. But they never leave room for much doubt. They're working on collecting evidence but they just don't have enough yet.

"I'm sure," Tommy bites out. "But I promise you, one more, one more time I'm told about something you've done to him or said, or implied something, I don't give a shit about my career. You will see the inside of an ER. I promise you that."

Smart, Buck thinks. Tommy promising that Gerrard will see the inside of an ER doesn't necessarily constitute a threat. Tommy knows how to play the game after all these years.

"You really think you would get away with anything?" Gerrard says softly.

Tommy leans forward, as far as he can over the desk, and hisses, "Try me."

Before Gerrard can say another word, Tommy turns around and strides out, not looking at any of them. As Buck and the others follow him, Buck looks back and can swear he sees Gerrard's mask slip, just the tiniest bit.

"We'll cover, Buck," Eddie says as Buck follows Tommy out to the parking lot and Buck shoots him a grateful look.

"Tommy," he says gently as Tommy gets to his truck and leans against it as though all his strings have been cut.

"I'm sorry," he croaks. "I just...I spent a really long time pretending I didn't give a shit about him but now, I've got you and I couldn't take it anymore."

Buck walks forward and wraps his arms around Tommy's waist, leaning against his chest.

"That-" Buck says, leaning in for a kiss. "Was the hottest thing I've ever seen."

Tommy blinks, clearly surprised. "What?"

"Yeah, you're getting rewarded when I get to your place tonight," Buck insists.

"Evan, I-"

But Buck kisses him again. "I've never had anyone stand up for me like that before. Thank you."

Tommy still looks pole-axed. "Um, you're welcome. I hope it doesn't make things worse."

Buck shrugs. "I can handle it. Maybe it'll make him slip up into something we can use."

Tommy sighs and cups Buck's face. "Be safe."

"I will. Go home. Hit a punching bag. I'll be there in a few hours."

Tommy nods and kisses him goodbye and drives off. Buck knows he will have that entire episode in his head on repeat for a very long time.

[louisferrignojr]

caught in the way you got me [ao3]

relationships: Tommy Kinard/Original Male Character/Original Female Character (M/M/F)

rating: E

words: 2465

Thinking back, he realises he had never actually been attracted to women; not even the gorgeous women who would approach him in bars, who buttered him up and made him laugh when he’d be feeling lonely and horny enough to go home with them, a mutual understanding that they were both only in it for a one night stand. And it wasn’t bad, it was never bad, but he never felt that thrill like he did with men - something he didn’t even realise was missing until well into adulthood.

Six months into living in LA he still feels like a foreigner, and he thinks the locals can tell; one of the most common questions he gets asked is where are you from? and he’s always hated it, always scrambling for an answer. It’s no surprise that’s what Amalia asks, too, shortly after introducing herself and asking Tommy for his name, buying him a drink and inviting him to a game of pool − and Tommy’s supposed to be watching the game on one of the screens in the corner of the bar, but it’s been boring without the friend who bailed on him last minute, and he accepts her invitation without thinking twice about it.

“Where am I from?” Tommy’s eyebrows knit together, a slight tilt to his head. “Uh, planet Earth, and yourself?”

Amalia laughs, throwing her head back. It was a deflection more than a joke, and not a very funny one at that, but she seems to find it hilarious. He can’t lie − it strokes his ego just a little bit.

“I can’t place you from your accent,” she says. “I’m usually pretty good at it, actually, but you’re kind of a mystery.”

Her eyes travel all the way down his body and back up, locking onto his gaze, and Tommy feels a blush coming on. He looks down at the pool table, and it takes him a moment to remember it’s his turn to play. It takes him much longer to figure out she’s letting him win, or maybe she’s playing terribly because she’s more focused on flirting with Tommy and laughing at the lame jokes he keeps making without even trying to be funny, and when she comes around the table and touches his arm for the third time, Tommy tries to shuffle away discreetly, trying to think of a way to let her down gently.

She must sense his discomfort. He’s always been bad at hiding it. But she smiles at him and in a much gentler tone says, “Hey,” and when Tommy turns to meet her eye she adds, “I’m here with my boyfriend, actually,” and points towards the bar.

Tommy spots him right away. David is looking at them, and when he sees them, he lifts his drink in greeting and winks at Amalia − or at Tommy − or both of them − seemingly unbothered that his girlfriend’s been practically throwing herself at another man.

Tommy’s at a loss for words − talk about fucking awkward. She’s definitely been hitting on him, and Tommy’s definitely not interested in getting involved in whatever weird open relationship thing the pair have got going on any more than he’s interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with a woman.

“That’s nice,” Tommy says, because what else is he supposed to say? “I, uh…”

And then she asks, “You wanna meet him? He’s really nice. C’mon,” and she loops her arm around Tommy’s and leads him to the bar before Tommy can even protest.

David greets him with a gorgeous smile, deep blue eyes fixed on Tommy’s, and says, “Hey, handsome,” in a rich, velvety voice.

Tommy’s brain short-circuits for a moment. He watches as Amalia slides up to him and he puts an arm around her shoulders, and they’re both looking at him kind of expectantly and he catches on only with seconds to spare before she asks, “You wanna come home with us?”

And it’s really hard to say no to that, because she might not be doing anything for him, physically at least, but he definitely, definitely is. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt that shows off his arms, and his shoulder-length brown hair is tied back into a half-ponytail, a few days’ old scruff on his jawline. And he’s standing in front of Tommy, looking at him like he wants to devour him whole − and it’s really, really hard to say no to that.

[continue reading on ao3]

[bloodiedbuckley]

TOMMY KINARD THEY COULD

NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU !!!

ya'll just hate him for no reason besides the fact he isn't Eddie. "he calls buck by his first name!!" That's literally explained when he says the 118 wasn't a family to him when he worked with them. You all need to get a grip. BUCK CAN LIKE SOMEONE BESIDES EDDIE YA'LL.

[typicalopposite]

👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻 I'm soooo curious for this one!!!!

Well here you go then! 🫶🫶 20ishhhh more sentences of the new Tommy mpreg fic 🫶

(Five Months Later) 

“Kinard!” Captain Torrence barks, jolting Tommy awake— he didn’t even realize he was falling asleep. “I’m sorry, am I boring you?” 

“No sir…” Tommy mutters. He tries to not make the situation worse by yawning, but can’t help it as he straightens himself in his seat and stretches. This earns him muffled laughter from his team, to which he rolls his eyes and ignores. To call them his team almost feels like a reach at this point… they’re his co-workers at best, and really just a bunch of strangers. 

Lucy transferred upstate a few months back, and Melvin took to being a Fire Marshall a little too well after an injury took him out of the sky temporarily (or it was supposed to be temporarily…); he randomly decided he didn’t want to come back to the dangers of being a firefighter pilot. Kate and Harrison got married and moved to Ohio— of all places, and Jones reenlisted; his last day was a week ago. Even the captain is new— he was only supposed to stand in while Collier had hip surgery… then the old fucker up and retired. 

Tommy is surrounded by new faces, and the ones that aren’t new never spoke to him to begin with. Work has gone from a get away from the loneliness of his empty home (and empty life), to an even more miserable just more crowded loneliness; he hates it. He has never felt so on his own in his life… even when he went through his extreme hermit stage after breaking up with Evan, where he shut everyone out. Lucy put a stop to that quickly, and with the assistance of Sal he was dragged out of his burrow and forced to face the world with the new reality of the decision he made (regardless of how idiotic they both thought it was) and move on. 

Sal— his best friend at times, biggest headache at others— unfortunately hasn’t lived in LA since a year after Bobby transferred him. He flew in to help Lucy, then flew out with the promise of checking in regularly to make sure Tommy’s stupid ass (his words exactly) doesn’t go all Bella Swan in the second Twilight.

It’s Jones’ replacement— some smart mouth kid transferred in from the 133— that makes the first remark. Tommy has just settled on the couch with his lunch. “Really… tuna nachos. Again, Kinard?”

Tommy looks at the plate he has just finished assembling: a handful of tortilla chips loaded with queso, salsa, jalapeños, guacamole… and canned tuna. Different, sure; delicious, definitely. Any of this nosey kid’s business? Absolutely not. 

<3<3<3<3<3

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